WTF Friday: 10 Things I Hate About Unwanted Movie Remakes

In light of recent movie to movie remakes (Footloose, Fame, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, The Karate Kid, etc.) and movie to Broadway ideas coming to pass (Sleepless in Seattle, Heathers, Shrek, American Psycho, Legally Blond, Spiderman) it really shouldn’t surprise me that a 10 year old movie has been made into a bastardized version of itself on ABC Family.  With that said, I guess I’m not so much surprised anymore as I am disappointed.  If you are going to take a movie that is just 10 years old, whose original fan base is only in their mid twenties to early thirties, it better be damn good.

While the essence of many of the characters is there (and their names, whoopee!), the overall plot and heart of the movie has been lost.  Since we are barely three 30 minute episodes into the ten episode run of the summer I’ve compiled a list of 10 things I hate about the show (original right?) in the hopes that the next 7 start to find their stride.

Monday Musing: Who’s in for a timeshare in Wonderland?

There is one thing this little junkie can’t get enough of, and that’s whimsy! I am sure that it will not be too big of a surprise for you to learn about how ridiculously excited I am for visionary Tim Burton’s 2010 release of Alice in Wonderland 3D (see photos above, and try not to have a glee-related heart attack). Click here and here to see some awesome (and official) Burton concept art for the film and photos. I will hopefully get to see some new bits about this sure to be exhilarating film at the 2009 Comic-Con in San Diego in a few days (Burton will be at “the Con” for Alice and 9).

This got me thinking about how whimsical Burton is, and how much I loooove the Alice in Wonderland story. I thought I’d give up my favorite things Wonderland for you to check out to get you equally pumped for Burton’s new masterpiece:

1. Lewis Carrol’s books Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and its sequel Through the Looking Glass, and What Alice Found There

Strange. Often unpredictable. Seriously awesome. I like Through the Looking Glass a bit more than it’s predecessor, only because you get to meet the Jabberwock, Red Queen, and some serious chess-themed goodness. Plus, the whimsy-ridden illustrations by Sir John Tenniel? Yes, please!

2. Alice in Wonderland (1985)

Singing! Dancing! Cameos galore! You may go for the Disney classic animated version, but if that’s true you certainly have never seen this live action dream come true. It’s about three hours long and combines the story lines from Carroll’s books. Plus check out some of the cast: Scott Baio, Roddy MacDowell, Telly Savalas, Ringo Starr, Shelley Winters, Ernest Borgnine, Beau & Lloyd Bridges, Carol freaking Channing, Sammy Davis Jr., Sally Struthers, Pat Morita, and John Stamos!!! An 80s child’s dream come true. Sample time!:

Where is the love for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen?

Shia takes a break from carrying the movie. Michael plans another explosion.

Junkie 2, wtf was up with your review?! Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was awesome! I’ll respond to each of your points, but first let me say a few things: these movies are based toys from our youth, since when did playtime require anything more than fun? You know what I miss? The Hollywood hayday when people would go to a movie, allow themselves to be immersed in the story, and escape. For those of you that have seen UP, remember the opening scene where young Carl Fredericksen is vigorously reacting to what he’s watching. That is how I see a movie. I go not expecting the best acting, writing, etc. I go expecting to enjoy myself, and 99.9% of the time I do. If I am supposed to laugh, I laugh. If I am meant to cry, you bet your sweet bippy I’ll be weeping like a baby. If I go to a movie about two contingents of space robots staging their epic battle on Earth, I will sit on the edge of my seat, eager to see what happens next, and have some fun goddammit!

Sure, if you decide to kick back and analyze something you are going to find the faults. Although, I can rip something to shreds and still love it (like my retro review of Buffy the Vampire Slayer). The things I am addicted to (movies, books, television, music, graphic novels, comic books, magazines, blogs, etc.) are meant to entertain, and sometimes they even make you think or emote (of course the best ones do all of the above). I’m not saying everything I see/read is brilliant. But I appreciate things for what they are meant to do. So what’s with all the “disappointment” with this movie?

Now, on with my rebuttal…::spoiler alert::

Humpday Haiku: [Ro]botany

In honor of Transformers: Rise of the Fallen

Optimus is primed
He’s programmed to be awesome
Space robots? Domo!

Megatron, oh yeah
Just Witwickyed in my pants
Not Trustworthicons

More than meets the eye
Baby, you can drive my car
They All Spark my heart

More Humpday Haiku?
All you have to do is click
Octopus delight!

Sunday Sundries: The Power of Bullock Compels You

Since we did a little sundry action on Friday, I thought we should do a true “wtf” today. Last night, your little junkies caught up with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal. The Proposal is basically a shuffling of Bullock’s While You Were Sleeping and Two Weeks Notice. Was it formulaic, of course! Does that mean I didn’t adore it? No! Bullock played the “forty and fabulous” card quite well as uptight, softie-come-lately publishing executive, Margaret Tate (plus, the woman can work a pencil skirt). Her impeccable comedic timing is impossible not to love, and Ryan Reynolds’ razor-sharp delivery wasn’t bad either (mini-swoon).

It’s weird. I saw My Life in Ruins earlier this week, and didn’t like it at all. It too was formulaic, and had Vardalos in a role I’d seen her attack before. Hmm. Even “America’s sweetheart,” Julia Roberts–who interestingly enough stopped being America’s sweetheart after starring in America’s Sweethearts–now comes off as stale in comedic performances. A force fit, of sorts–like a desperate mid-life crisis-er trying to squeeze back into their high school jeans. Meanwhile, Bullock maintains a rubber quality in an otherwise sticky industry similar to Hugh Jackman–their stinkers just fade away.

Wtf, people? Does Sandra Bullock have mystical powers? Poring through her IMDB page, I literally can’t find anything I’ve seen that I didn’t like her in (note: the exception being “that I’ve seen.” Premonition, I hear = boo). Even Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous and The Lake House. Here are some of my fave iterations of “The Bullock”:

• Demolition Man: Of all the action films she’s been in, I can’t get enough of this Sly Stallone crashterpiece. And if you give me shit for loving Lt. Huxley, I’ll have to Murder-Death-Kill you.
• Two Weeks Notice: Sandra + one of my fave rom-commoners, Hugh Grant?! Quitting your job has never been more fun.
• Love Potion No.9: Jolly good 90s fare. Also, I like to refer to my car as my own personal Alta Pazzoli.
• Crash: As far as Serious Sandra goes, this attention-starved, emotionally-vacant bigot is tops in my book.
• The Vanishing: She might not technically be in the movie very long, but this is one of my fave oldie thrillers. Jeff Bridges gives me the heebie jeebies–or what the Brits delightfully refer to as the “screaming habdabs.”

We may never know how she manages to bounce back so easily (and quickly), but I will continue laughing at/with her in my girlish guilty pleasure kind of way…maybe she practices a little Practical Magic? I expect to be slapped for that at some point, but I don’t care.