Who is this ‘Pacey,’ you ask? Well first let me help you out from your Kaczynski-esque shack in the woods, mon ami! Pacey has a known alias: his birth name, Joshua Jackson. But that technicality won’t stop me from continuing to refer to him as his character from Dawson’s Creek. He first made his way into our hearts as the lovable Charlie in the Mighty Ducks films, but really sealed the deal as the randy Pacey Witter on Dawson’s.
Here’s the deal, people: Joshua Jackson is totally lust-worthy. You can’t refer to a celebrity crush by the name of a childhood character, that would make you a perv. He must remain Pacey, frozen in time. To go any other way is inconceivable and here’s why:
- “Joshua Jackson” = Real Person. You’ll never get the real guy–this is unacceptable for my LaLa Fantasyland.
- “Film Class Guy #2” from Scream 2 = Self explanatory.
- “Joey” from Apt Pupil = Makes me think of Nazis and Brad Renfro, both of which make me sad.
- “Damon” from Urban Legend = Makes me think of freaks hiding in/under my car and is therefore too scary.
- “Blaine” from Cruel Intentions = Bleach blond and gay, both of which do nothing for me.
- “Jake” from Cursed = Super hot, but ultimately he will try to kill you so no dice.
- “Wade” from Bobby = Directed by Emilio which makes me think of Mighty Ducks so no.
- “Benjamin” from Shutter = Japanese horror and nightmares
- “Peter” from Fringe = Sorry, Peter you’re a muffin, but you’re too late. I started loving Pacey about ten years ago, and he got more love scenes than you.
You may have noted the not-so-illustrious career up there. This only adds more Dixie Chicks albums to my argument fire. Joshua Jackson must remain at his peak of freshness: Pacey. It’s better that way.