Penguins Are So 2005

I'll take the home in Orlando...

I'll take the home in Orlando...

Welcome to the first ever littlejunkies chat!  Junkie 1 and 2 weren’t able to attend Planet Ea…Oops,  I mean Disney’s “Earth”  together so they hooked up over the interwebs to share their criticisms thoughts with you!

Interested? 

Junkie1: So, what did you think?

Junkie2: That disney has ADD. You?

Junkie1: I must say, I felt a little robbed. Where the eff was all the Patrick Stewart I was promised?!

Junkie2: When were you promised Patrick Stewart?

Junkie1: Oh, piss. I just googled it. Patrick Stewart is the UK narrator, Ken Watanabe in Japan, and we get James Earl Jones.

Junkie2: Mufasa! That is all I could think for the first 15 minutes.

Junkie1: Boo! Most of the footage was from Planet Earth, so why not give me Sigourney Weaver again?

Junkie2: [When it was over] my grandma said Planet Earth was better, so I’m wondering what they took out for this?

Junkie1: Umm, the rest of the planet. It was a thousand times better. I just got swindled by Disney.

Junkie2: At least they planted a tree.

Junkie 2: And now my next diet will be the “bubble diet”, it looks a lot more fun than Seattle Sutten.

Junkie1: Yeah, but they gave me my ICEE in a styro cup…wtf!

Junkie2: Did you take your styro cup home to recycle?

Junkie1: Nah, Disney screwed me, so I screwed the planet.

Junkie2: That’s a lot of screwing for a g rated film.

Junkie1: I know, right!? I say documentarians are the biggest psychopaths on the Erf.

Junkie2: To follow animals as they walk the wrong way towards water or away from food and just film seems cruel. I think it was karma that made them get stuck in a tree while filming.

Junkie1: Toss thos poor bitches a gyro and a botalla de agua or something. Sheesh.

Junkie1: I was hoping the end credits would have a montage of all the kill scenes they cut short.

Junkie2: I wanted them to shoot the wolf, run over the lion and then kill a walrus and hand it to the starving polar bear.

Junkie2: I was very conflicted this evening.

Junkie1: The best part for me was after the wolf caught up to the caribou calf and they cut away, a little kid said “what happened to the baby?”

Junkie2: Yeah the kid next to me was asking why the seal with the big teeth was trying to bite the bear

Junkie2: Did you learn anything new this time around?

Junkie1: Nature is a harsh mistress, a b-otch, really. I guess that’s not new.

Junkie2: I learned I need to practice running

Junkie1: I learned not to live on either pole, ever.

Junkie2: I’m appreciative that if I ever get pregnant and have babies I won’t have to go 5 1/2 months without food

Junkie1: The “5.5 month no eating diet” is my new diet.

Junkie2: I can’t even go 5.5 minutes without eating, I would go insane on that diet

Junkie1: I also learned that polar bears really get the shaft in this whole global warming deal.

Junkie2: They were careful never to say global warming

Junkie1: Eff them…it’s like the people that think it’s not happening because we still have winter. Select scientists and the general populous can suck it.

Junkie2: [Book to check out] Unstoppable Global Warming: Every 1,500 Years (Paperback) http://www.amazon.com/Unstoppable-Global-Warming-Every-Years/dp/0742551172

Junkie2: On another note, would you agree with me that silver backs are the faux hawks of the ocean?

Junkie1: Also, the flora and fauna of the tropics can officially be categorized as “freaky deaky”

Junkie2: Those birds looked like fishing lures.

Junkie2: I totally would have rejected that player too

Junkie1: And that little OCD bird?! Loser.

Junkie2: He spent more time cleaning than he did waiting.

Junkie 2: I’m not a fan of birds

Junkie1: …and their wee beady eyes?

Junkie1: Official verdict: Netflix Planet Earth instead.

Junkie2: Earth’s IMDB page just directs you to Planet Earth 2007’s IMDB page…

Junkie2: As bamboozled as I feel, I’m still oddly intrigued by “Ocean’s” coming Earth Day 2010

Junkie1: Ditto, they should get Isabella Rosselini to do the voiceover work–Season 2 of Green Porno already puts her in the know.

Junkie2: …and a google search of today’s movie shows that almost all bloggers feel scammed by Disney.

Junkie1: Bloggers always get it right…right?

Junkie1: Also, I don’t like James Earl Jones in quip mode. Just zip it and drop an octave, my good man.

Junkie1: One last thing: I dug the pity minute they gave the penguins. Poor penguins really are “So 2005.”

Junkie2: They were totally throwing a bone to the penguins!

Junkie2: Earth Day 2011: Monkey’s Swimming

Junkie1: Earth Day 2012: Humans; Tag line: Oh, shit.

Junkie2: Earth Day 2013: Why Polar Bears Are Extinct

Junkie1: Earth Day 2014: Planet of the Apes

Junkie2: Earth Day 2015: Terminator Salvation was really a warning from the future

Junkie1: Mars Day 2016: Earth Was for Suckas

Junkie2: 2017: Disney Nature + X-men; Tag Line: Yeah, nature’s running out of ideas too.

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6 thoughts on “Penguins Are So 2005

  1. Zrose25 says:

    All I have to say is that Earth Day 2010 better have some NEW footage! I dont want to see that shark eating that seal in slow-mo, or the mama whale and her calf swimmin all over the earth again! Something new or else! 🙂

  2. Junkie2 says:

    I’m intrigued, define “or else”.

  3. MoM says:

    I guess I did not miss a thing!
    Junkie2 – I wish you could get paid to be a movie critic

  4. Junkie2 says:

    Thanks mom!

    Poor junkie1, stuck in the unpaid blogosphere… 🙂

  5. Junkie1 says:

    Heavy on the ‘poor,’ but that is what keeps us sassy.

  6. Jamme says:

    I agree with all your comments. A bit of a disappointment. I could have saved a bundle on outrageously expensive popcorn and stayed home and watched the discovery channel.

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