Welcome to the first ever littlejunkies chat! Junkie 1 and 2 weren’t able to attend Planet Ea…Oops, I mean Disney’s “Earth” together so they hooked up over the interwebs to share their criticisms thoughts with you!
Junkie1: So, what did you think?
Junkie2: That disney has ADD. You?
Junkie1: I must say, I felt a little robbed. Where the eff was all the Patrick Stewart I was promised?!
Junkie2: When were you promised Patrick Stewart?
Junkie1: Oh, piss. I just googled it. Patrick Stewart is the UK narrator, Ken Watanabe in Japan, and we get James Earl Jones.
Junkie2: Mufasa! That is all I could think for the first 15 minutes.
Junkie1: Boo! Most of the footage was from Planet Earth, so why not give me Sigourney Weaver again?
Junkie2: [When it was over] my grandma said Planet Earth was better, so I’m wondering what they took out for this?
Junkie1: Umm, the rest of the planet. It was a thousand times better. I just got swindled by Disney.
Junkie2: At least they planted a tree.
Junkie 2: And now my next diet will be the “bubble diet”, it looks a lot more fun than Seattle Sutten.
Junkie1: Yeah, but they gave me my ICEE in a styro cup…wtf!
Junkie2: Did you take your styro cup home to recycle?
Junkie1: Nah, Disney screwed me, so I screwed the planet.
Junkie2: That’s a lot of screwing for a g rated film.
Junkie1: I know, right!? I say documentarians are the biggest psychopaths on the Erf.
Junkie2: To follow animals as they walk the wrong way towards water or away from food and just film seems cruel. I think it was karma that made them get stuck in a tree while filming.
Junkie1: Toss thos poor bitches a gyro and a botalla de agua or something. Sheesh.
Junkie1: I was hoping the end credits would have a montage of all the kill scenes they cut short.
Junkie2: I wanted them to shoot the wolf, run over the lion and then kill a walrus and hand it to the starving polar bear.
Junkie2: I was very conflicted this evening.
Junkie1: The best part for me was after the wolf caught up to the caribou calf and they cut away, a little kid said “what happened to the baby?”
Junkie2: Yeah the kid next to me was asking why the seal with the big teeth was trying to bite the bear
Junkie2: Did you learn anything new this time around?
Junkie1: Nature is a harsh mistress, a b-otch, really. I guess that’s not new.
Junkie2: I learned I need to practice running
Junkie1: I learned not to live on either pole, ever.
Junkie2: I’m appreciative that if I ever get pregnant and have babies I won’t have to go 5 1/2 months without food
Junkie1: The “5.5 month no eating diet” is my new diet.
Junkie2: I can’t even go 5.5 minutes without eating, I would go insane on that diet
Junkie1: I also learned that polar bears really get the shaft in this whole global warming deal.
Junkie2: They were careful never to say global warming
Junkie1: Eff them…it’s like the people that think it’s not happening because we still have winter. Select scientists and the general populous can suck it.
Junkie2: [Book to check out] Unstoppable Global Warming: Every 1,500 Years (Paperback) http://www.amazon.com/Unstoppable-Global-Warming-Every-Years/dp/0742551172
Junkie2: On another note, would you agree with me that silver backs are the faux hawks of the ocean?
Junkie1: Also, the flora and fauna of the tropics can officially be categorized as “freaky deaky”
Junkie2: Those birds looked like fishing lures.
Junkie2: I totally would have rejected that player too
Junkie1: And that little OCD bird?! Loser.
Junkie2: He spent more time cleaning than he did waiting.
Junkie 2: I’m not a fan of birds
Junkie1: …and their wee beady eyes?
Junkie1: Official verdict: Netflix Planet Earth instead.
Junkie2: Earth’s IMDB page just directs you to Planet Earth 2007’s IMDB page…
Junkie2: As bamboozled as I feel, I’m still oddly intrigued by “Ocean’s” coming Earth Day 2010
Junkie1: Ditto, they should get Isabella Rosselini to do the voiceover work–Season 2 of Green Porno already puts her in the know.
Junkie2: …and a google search of today’s movie shows that almost all bloggers feel scammed by Disney.
Junkie1: Bloggers always get it right…right?
Junkie1: Also, I don’t like James Earl Jones in quip mode. Just zip it and drop an octave, my good man.
Junkie1: One last thing: I dug the pity minute they gave the penguins. Poor penguins really are “So 2005.”
Junkie2: They were totally throwing a bone to the penguins!
Junkie2: Earth Day 2011: Monkey’s Swimming
Junkie1: Earth Day 2012: Humans; Tag line: Oh, shit.
Junkie2: Earth Day 2013: Why Polar Bears Are Extinct
Junkie1: Earth Day 2014: Planet of the Apes
Junkie2: Earth Day 2015: Terminator Salvation was really a warning from the future
Junkie1: Mars Day 2016: Earth Was for Suckas
Junkie2: 2017: Disney Nature + X-men; Tag Line: Yeah, nature’s running out of ideas too.