* This is an odd post to write, because I really do love Pixar’s films (feature and short).
I say this with love: When it comes to your female characters, you suck. Not only have you never had a female lead character, but you have comfortably rested on some pretty archaic stereotypes in your short history. Is your memory failing you? This calls for a chronological rundown! To the Batcave!
Toy Story: The Groupies
–Bo Peep– A lamp! She’s not even a fracking toy!? When she’s not tending to her sheep, she’s busy smooching Woody to calm him down. Boo Peep is more like it.
–Mrs. Potato Head– Noisy, nagging wife of Mr. Potato Head.
–Jesse (TS2)– A larger role than the other two, but she is still a sidekick (literally in her backstory and figuratively), dependent, tomboyish, and cheerleader-y
–Other minor characters– Andy’s mom and drooling baby sister, Hannah; Tour Guide Barbie (if you make the comedic effort to make the ladybug in A Bug’s Life a man, why not make Barbie intelligent?)
A Bug’s Life: The Slave Drivers
They may boss everyone around, but at the end of the day they’re powerless over the male characters
–Old Queen– “Poor” Flick spends the entire film taking orders and trying to get back in the good graces of the monarchy
–Princess Atta– negative, can’t see herself as a leader without Flick’s help
–Dot– baby princess, naive, helper
–Other minor characters– Gypsy Moth and Rosie the black widow…need I say more?
Monster’s Inc.: The Scary Ladies
Who would’ve thought that these three were the most frightening thing in the monster universe.
–Roz– Crotchety, old, hag-style file room troll/slug. Oh yeah, and voiced by a man
–Celia– Receptionist, Medusa head, concerned with being treated right by her man (aka expensive date night)
–Boo– Human child, alien/freakish, poisonous monster in their world, basically no vocabulary, crippled by fear, victim
Finding Nemo: The Angel Fish
They all give or risk their lives for either Marlin or Nemo
–Coral– Maternal, dies saving her babies in the first five minutes
–Dory– Sidekick, dependent, naive optimism, brain doesn’t function when she’s not with Marlin. Muddled and befuddled
–Peach– Kind of helpless starfish
–Deb– Crazy, spastic, talks to her sister/own reflection, Flo (good thing she wasn’t talking to her Aunt Flo…)
The Incredibles: The Sub-Parr
–Helen Parr– Can’t even best her own baddie in the beginning, instantly married, gives up her career to be a full time mom, uses her powers to vacuum
–Violet Parr– Wallflower, insecure, meek, doesn’t want to be seen as different; much like Ally Sheedy, slap a headband on her and all of her issues disappear
–Edna Mode– Why she’s the eccentric (read: cuckoo) clothing designer, darling! Fabulous!
–Mirage– Busty, temptress, drawn to men with power, puppet
–Other minor characters– Let us not forget the feeble old woman in the insurance office; Honey, the nagging wife of Frozone; and Kari, the idiot babysitter
Cars: The Booty Bumpers
–Sally– Sassy little luxury car (Porsche) in a BFE town, can’t handle the hustle and bustle of city life (read: her legal career), SHE HAS A FRICKING TRAMP STAMP! Also, light blue
–Flo– Manager of the local diner (aka she serves a mean gasoline–aka a glorified coffee slinging waitress) complete with her own ghetto boyfriend/tattoo artist. Also, light green
–Other minor characters– swooning redneck pit hoes
I mention the paint jobs on the cars, because all of the male cars have darker, bolder, and more vibrant colors
Ratatouille: The Friend with Benefits
–Colette– The only woman in the kitchen, she shows up first and leaves last, dedicated, smart, professional…and then she trains the novice who quickly becomes her boss/lover and she, his second fiddle. At the end, even the rat gets a better job than she does!
–Other minor characters– Mean, crazy, old cat lady in the beginning
Wall•E: The Saving Grace
–Eve– Feminine robot (with curves), job-oriented until Wall•E broadens her horizons…then he gives her the seed of life (plant) to hold in her belly chamber. Hmm.
–Other minor characters– Chubby lady that “wakes up” after Wall•E busts her Hulu chair. Note: she gets a boyfriend right away and saves all of the babies.
UP: The Mothers
–Kevin– She loves chocolate, maternally taken to Russell, and is just trying to get back to her babies
–Ellie– Spunky, creative & lovable, unable to have a child or fulfill her dreams–she replaces those dreams with enjoying her marriage, also she dies in the first five minutes and is represented as the house and the feminine chair
–Other minor characters– Russell’s severely absentee mother; someone call child protective services on that lady!
Also, not one of the evil dogs could be a lady? Come on! How the hell does Muntz get more puppies?
Pixar, throw us a frickin’ bone here, and I don’t mean make your first female lead a dog (read: bitch).