Love Connection: Bite Me

Did you brush?

At little junkies, we want to set you up with the best of the best so you’ll never be lonely.   So, stop (!) in the name of love and check out some “men” that will keep you company in the dark (or overcast, depending on the author).  In no particular order of hotness we give you some of the sexiest vamps of the past 10 years.

Stephen Moyer

Vampire Bill (True Blood)

Where to Find Him:  Sundays on HBO (check local listings)/Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Series novels by Charlaine Harris.
Origins:  Turned by a lonely and horny war widow at the end of the civil war.
The Good:  Southern charm and manners, says things like “I want to atone for the wrongs I have done to you”, you can disinvite him from your home when you are having a fight and he is magically compelled to leave, kills people who hurt his girlfriend.
The Bad:  Drinks in bed, turns into a used cigarette in the sunlight, has to watch a baby vamp who wants to be a tramp, lets Sookie walk all over him, kills people who hurt his girlfriend, has to obey the commands of a hair frosting vampire sheriff who wears track pants to a bar.
Diet:  Synthetic Blood,  his girlfriend when allowed, and the occasional law breaking human.
Pillow Talk:  Rules of football.
Relationship Status:  Currently shacks up with mind reader Sookie Stackhouse, who all too often takes him and their relationship for granted.
Best Quote:  “Sookie is mine!”  (take a shot ladies 🙂

James Marsters

Spike a.k.a William the Bloody (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Where to Find Him: During the show’s run you could find him in his tomb in Sunnydale, California, a.k.a. the Hellmouth.  After getting a heroes ending in Buffy’s series finale he was unceremoniously resurrected to try and help save Angel and relocated to L.A.
Origins:  While being consoled after being rejected for bloody awful, but heartfelt, poetry Drusilla changes him into a vampire in 1880’s England.
The Good:  He looks like Billy Idol.  Has a tinge of humanity left in him at times.  Fought for his soul so that the woman he loved would love him back.
The Bad:  He looks like Billy Idol.  Oh, and he got his nickname from torturing his victims with railroad spikes.  Finds violence therapeutic.
Diet:  Humans :(.  But he goes vampire vegetarian whenever teamed up with the Scooby Gang.
Pillow Talk:  Trying to convince the girl he’s with that she loves him.
Relationship Status:  This vamp loves love and falls in love hard.  Has gone crazy for his Sire Drusilla, shallow unicorn obsessed Harmony ( maybe not so much love in this case) and of course has his fangs set on Buffy.
Best Quote (x2):  “Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He’s got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so… Bloody hell! Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, oh God! I’m English!”

Bouncer: [When asked if he has seen Spike] “Yeah, yeah, I know the guy. Billy Idol wannabe?”
Buffy:
“Actually, Billy Idol stole his look from – never mind.”

David Boreanaz

Angel (Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel)

Where to Find Him:  Originally the mysterious love interest on Buffy he took his popularity and built a show around his ego (Angel) with heavier mythology that I never bothered to watch.
Origins:  Drunken sloth of the mid/late 1700’s in England.  Gets changed by Darla after being thrown out of a bar.  Named “Liam” in his human life.  Me thinks Angel/Angelus was a good choice to up his street cred.
The Good:  Vampire with a soul!
The Bad:  Goes crazy evil sociopath whenever he has sex with Buffy (a.k.a. reaches true happiness) and loses his soul.
Diet:  Soul = cow’s blood/ Soul = humans
Pillow Talk:  Loses his soul before getting a chance to chat with the girl.  Bastard.
Relationship Status:  Forever in love with Buffy, though Cordelia and others do try.  Goes for Drusilla and Darla whenever back on the sauce, while still going after Buffy.  Bastard.
Best Quote:  “She made me feel like a human being. That’s not the kind of thing you just forgive.”

Jackson Rathbone

Jasper Hale (Twilight/New Moon)

Where to Find Him:  The Stephenie Meyer Twilight series/Your local Blockbuster (Twilight)/In theaters this November in The Twilight Saga:  New Moon, because fans are too stupid to remember the next movie/book is called New Moon.  Hopefully at Comic-Con this summer!
Origins:  Turned by a vampire named Maria during the civil war in 1863, when he was only 20.
The Good:  Has the ability to manipulate the emotions of those around him.  Knows how to effectively/quickly kill vampires.
The Bad:  Is a vampire vegetarian only because his girlfriend is a vampire vegetarian – self control is hard at times.
Diet:  Local wild life.
Pillow Talk:  Doesn’t need any, he can control his wife’s emotions.
Relationship Status:  Married to the wonderful pixie like vampire Alice.
Best Quote:  “You truly are one frightening little monster.”

Kellan Lutz

Emmett Cullen (Twilight/New Moon)

Where to Find Him:  The Stephenie Meyer Twilight series/Your local Blockbuster (Twilight)/In theaters this November in The Twilight Saga:  New Moon, because fans are too stupid to remember the next movie/book is called New Moon.  Hopefully at Comic-Con this summer!
Origins:  Mauled by a bear in 1935 and rescued by Rosalie, turned by Carlisle to save his life.
The Good:  Super strong and often has the best quotes/scenes.
The Bad:  Married to Rosalie…I kid I kid.  I don’t think he has a bad, I’m a bit biased.
Diet:  Vampire vegan.
Pillow Talk:  Talk?  I don’t think he and Rosalie talk.
Relationship Status:  Married to resident vampire bitch Rosalie.  Beauty and Brawn, it works.
Best Quote (X1,000,000):  “GO GATORS!”,  “(Is she even Italian?)…Her name IS Bella”, “What were you doing last night?  Discussing the national debt?”,  “Its about time someone scored around here!”, “I’m sure you’ll ace your classes… apparently there’s nothing interesting for you to do at night besides study.”,  *waves knife in air*.

Robert Pattinson

Edward Cullen (Twilight/New Moon)

Where to Find Him:  The Stephenie Meyer Twilight series/Your local Blockbuster (Twilight)/In theaters this November in The Twilight Saga:  New Moon, because fans are too stupid to remember the next movie/book is called New Moon.  Hopefully at Comic-Con this summer!
Origins:  Changed by Dr. Carlisle Cullen in the early 1900’s while dying of Spanish influenza.
The Good:  Can read minds, super fast, super hot, the manners of a boy who grew up in the 1900’s, intelligent.
The Bad:  Seriously someone fix the glitter/sweat special effect!
Diet:  Vampire vegan!  Fell off the wagon for a bit, but only drank from evil people.
Pillow Talk:  Reading his loves mind (now that she can control it).
Relationship Status:  Married to Bella <3.
Best Quote:  “What a sick, masochistic lion.”

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28 thoughts on “Love Connection: Bite Me

  1. Junkie1 says:

    Dude! For realz!? Where is Gerard Butler as the titular vampire in Dracula 2000? or Stuart Townsend as the amorous Lestat in Queen of the Damned? or Scott Speedman as the world’s first Lycpire/Vampkin in the Underwolrd series?

    Hell, I’d even throw a bone to Josh Hartnett at the end of 30 Days of Night? And what about Peter Facinelli as Twilight’s Carlisle?

  2. Zrose25 says:

    And what about Dominic Purcell in Blade: Trinity! For that matter technically I believe Ryan Reynolds was at one time a vamp in the same movie! 🙂

  3. Junkie2 says:

    Ladies ladies, the post could only be so long! Honorable mentions all of them!

    • Junkie1 says:

      True (blood…couldn’t help it), but it is ever so slightly tipped in the Twilight variety, my dear. :p

  4. Junkie2 says:

    It’s just that time of year…And I knew i would be stoned if they weren’t all up there. Plus I haven’t seen any of the movies that you listed other than Underworld and totally blocked Blade Trinity from my mind!

  5. Zrose25 says:

    You should stop and rent some Vampire DVD’s while you are out for that B-12 😀

  6. Mussie Ghirmay says:

    Angel (Davi Boreanaz) Rules Baby yea!!!!!!!! i love him even though i am a boy.

  7. nicole rice says:

    ~jasper, emmet, and EDWARD/ROBERT are so cute/hot/sexy/SMEXY. i love them~

  8. Sophi says:

    rosalie is not a bitch .. you’re the jealous. why not read all the books and Shut your mouth

  9. Angelique says:

    Nice article.Pretty funny.It’s nice to dream of the perfect men,ok,except the bloodlust. :))
    I’d suggest you should watch also Blood Ties … it’s not much,but Henry (the steaming hot vamp guy from the series) would be of interest … guarantied 🙂

  10. adriana says:

    s tan guapooooooooooooooooo
    robert pattinson y
    jakson rathbone
    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  11. Kate says:

    OMG haha i’d just go to this site to look at spike and his hottness 🙂 Angel and edward too 🙂

  12. Lady says:

    OMG I’m going to die if all these vampires exist haha

  13. anne says:

    I think that jackson rathbone(jasper) is sooooo sexy!!!!!! MMMMMMMM yummy!!!!!

  14. Vivian says:

    OMG!Love the Twilight/New moon gang!

  15. falisha says:

    the 3 cullens are so hot its unbelivable

  16. falisha says:

    the 3 cullens are so hot ugh why do they have to be so old

  17. Anne says:

    I absolutely agree about Angel, Spike and Jasper …. Emmett is not bad … Edward is NOT hot!!! First one never heard of but he looks good from pics…

  18. Choderlos says:

    Jackson Rathbone is the hottest…

  19. Pierre says:

    What the Fuck?! robert pattinson ????
    it’s desgusting, why didn’t put a picture of James from Twilight? and Brad Pitt from Interview with a vampire and Eric in True Blood

  20. Leah says:

    OMG!EDWARD IS SO HOT YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY IF YOU THINK HES NOT

  21. lamia says:

    j aime baucoup les jeunes twilght

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