WTF Friday: What the Fang!?


If the clothes make the man, than do the fangs make the vampire?

Those chompers have been shown in a variety of ways over the years, many as the tried and true pointy incisors. As Vampire Week comes to a close I can’t help but ponder the evolution of this critical feature. Things have changed, babies, and I have come to a pretty basic conclusion. Basically, if evil deeds are the main order of the day, they are going to have a pretty gnarly dental anatomy.  However, if they’re looking to quench the thirst via eternal love, not so much with the icky. Same goes for what I call “hungry eyes,” the kind that would put Baby in that corner and then kill her–more evil=less color.

Allow me to present my case…in point (see what I did there? “Case in point.” Get it? Puns!):

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

The Good:
True Blood’s
Vampire Bill (second from top, left) and Twilight’s Edward Cullen (not shown, but like you don’t already know what he looks like), just want to love you. Bill generally looks like he has an overbite, and Edward doesn’t even have fangs. Yeah, Twilight would win the award for most catwalk ready vampires, and none of them have fangs (and they can go out in daytime–Stephanie Meyer, do you have no honor for the Vampire code?!).

The Bad:
These are the vamps that want you dead, but it’s not necessarily numero uno on ye olde list of things to do. Vanity usually drives them, and killing humans via your standard kiss of death is akin to snack time in between bouts of age old duty/battle/quest fulfillment. That makes up most of the collage. These are your run of the mill, but still accentuated fangs.

The Ugly:
The vamps in 30 Days of Night and the Blade trilogy just want you dead…and so they look like baldie (second from top, right) and Mr. Reaper from Blade II (bottom left)

So, how do you go about getting a bite taken out of you? If you want to be bitten, you must fit into one of the following categories:

A) You’re a fool in the wrong place, at the wrong time

B) You are a hot nympho with nothing better to do

C) You are a self conscious, innocent, burgeoning beauty with a soon to be discovered mystical power that generally stems through an unbeknownst to you, but equally mystical, family lineage.

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4 thoughts on “WTF Friday: What the Fang!?

  1. […] WTF Friday: What the Fang! […]

  2. Zrose25 says:

    I’m not exactly sure how you did it… but you’ve somehow connected vampires to Dirty Dancing… Lol.

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