Retro Review: The Venture Bros.

Go Team Venture!

Boy adventuring, super science, arch enemies, and epic showdowns! It’s all the standard order of the day on The Venture Brothers. Think Johnny Quest all grow’d up with a dash of 70s James Bond villainy and a heaping serving of perverse humor. This clever cartoon is most definitely for adults, but it has a lot of stuff working for it–chief among them being Patrick Warburton voicing the brutal, yet motherly, Venture family bodyguard, Brock Samson.Other things: Um the fact that it has “The Guild of Calamitous Intent” and an animated David Bowie (in what capacity, you will have to watch and learn).

My favorite character has to be the “ethically-challenged” patriarch, Dr. Thaddeus Venture (aka Rusty, aka T.S.), who instigates most of the tomfoolery and suffers from more than a few emotional ailments due to his childhood trauma of being a boy adventurer to his super scientist father, Dr. Jonas Venture (a fate he has certainly passed on to his socially challenged children, Dean and Hank). That said, this may be the truest definition of “motley crew.” From the menacing and deranged arch nemesis of Rusty, The Monarch, to BaronUnderbheit to Master Billy Quizboy (“boy” genius) to the necromancy of Rusty’s renter, Dr. Orpheus–this show has a supporting cast that will leave you rolling.

Find the fourth season of this rather brilliant cartoon on Adult Swim starting October 18th and if you know nothing of the show and are interested in sassy scientists and action/adventure genre mockery, than check out seasons 1-3 on DVD now.

I leave you with some of my top quotes from the show. Note, this is just a taste–one-liners and quick wit run rampant here.

Dr. Orpheus: (answering phone) Dr. Orpheus, master of mysticism.
Dr. Venture: Uh…Orpheus, it’s your landlord. We’re trapped in a cliché. Use your fake impossible magic to get us out of here.

__

Dr. Orpheus: (note to daughter, Triana, recorded on answering machine) Greetings, pumpkin, I am at Mr. Venture’s lab… to right that which is wrong and to repair the torn curtain OF TIME ITSELF!! There are four puddings in the fridge. You may enjoy the contents of one of them. Dinner at six.

__

Henchman 21: Here is where you are wrong, my friend. This woman has killed before.
Henchman 24: Allegedly.
Henchman 21: Okay, whatever. But she was a big girl. We are talking about a large, healthy woman of questionable stability.
Henchman 24: Oh, you are totally underestimating the never-say-die scrappiness of a survivor.
The Monarch: Hey, guess what? Nobody cares who would win in a crazy fantasy fist-fight between Anne Frank and Lizzie Borden.

__

Dr. Venture: Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, we get waylaid by jackassery?

__

The Monarch: That’s Phantom Limb. When he was in college, he was a scrawny little wuss. In a desperate attempt to be cooler than guys like me, he had his 12-year-old roommate create a machine that speeds up the muscle building process. The machine worked so well that every molecule in his extremities was accelerated beyond the speed of light. There were two side effects. One! He could mess up a guy just by touching him. And two! He became a humorless dick!

__

The Monarch: What? Think this is gay huh? Is that what you fucking said you scrawny piece of shit? Oh this isn’t gay. But King Gorilla over there is! And I bet he can’t wait to snap off a piece of your dick in his ass!  [points to Dean] You! Get up! I said get the fuck up! What’s your name?
Dean Venture: Dean Ven…
The Monarch: [shouts] Your name is bitch! And I own you. You’re property! And when I’m tired of having sex with every hole God drilled in your slender frame… King Gorilla! You got a cigarette?  [King Gorilla hands him one]
The Monarch: There! I just sold you for a cigarette! And I don’t smoke!  [realizes who Dean is]
The Monarch: Holy shit! You’re Dean-Fucking-Venture! King, I’ve gotta buy my bitch back. Here’s your cigarette.
King Gorilla: Fuck you. Give me a dollar.

__

Henchman 21: You can silence me but there will be others. Semper Fidelis Tyrannosaurus!
Dr. Killinger: It’s Sic Semper Tyrannis. You said, “Ever faithful terrible lizard.”
Henchman 21: I did? Cool.

__

Dr Venture: [running after the truck] Speaking of shoes, you haven’t seen these yet. [takes off one of the shoes he’s wearing].
Dr. Venture:
Spy shoes! The soles flip around so the Russians can’t follow your footprints. [dejected]
Dr Venture:
I… I call them… Sneakies.

__

The Monarch: Venture and I have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and also-cat for years!

__

Dean: Hank! We’ve got big troubles. The Apaches are back!
Hank
: What?
Dean
: Look. Tepee in your trunks! (Hanks gasps, the camera pans back to reveal his erection)
Hank
: My pants are haunted! My pants are haunted!

__

(Dean, possessed by the Ghost of Abraham Lincoln, tries to kiss Hank.)
Hank
: Eww!
(Hank slaps Dean, knocking Lincoln out of him and onto the floor.)

Hank
: Dude, what the dilly?!
Dean
: Did it work? What happened?
Hank: Honest Abe’s a ‘mo, that’s what happened.

__

The Monarch: SHIT! Mall cops! Henchmen, retreat!

Okay…I’m cutting myself off. Watch, wince, whinny, wail…in other words: enjoy.

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6 thoughts on “Retro Review: The Venture Bros.

  1. Zrose25 says:

    One of my top fave animated shows! Definitely check it out if you haven’t seen it!

    Here another funny quote 🙂

    Brock Samson: “Hey, no disrespect Jonas, but it isn’t so easy. These guys like their system, it’s what they do. You take that away and you are looking at a bunch of pissed off nut bags with ray guns, and giant, I don’t know, a giant octopus slash tank with laser eyes.

  2. Zrose25 says:

    Also, I want a pair of sneakies!

  3. Zrose25 says:

    “Bad news Dean, Your dog is the spawn of hell and you must kill him”

  4. […] Junkie1 & ZRose25 present: An Ode to The Monarch from The Venture Bros. […]

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