Monday Musing: [Bad] Hair Apparent

I told them to give me "The Bradley."

Bad hair days have happened to us all–those fluke days when your coif is off. I loathe a bad hair day, but it seems somewhat better when I see the beautiful people in similar situations. Two recent examples of bad hair that come to mind are sweetheart Sandra Bullock’s…locks in All About Steve (see above) and Bruce Willis’ school boy do in the upcoming Surrogates (below).

I told you I'm the only one who can have bangs!

These gems have inspired a list, of course, but it is a little hard to come up with a solid list. Sci-fi films have their share of bad hair (I rhymed…heh), but they are intentionally trying to be “spacey” so I tend to let them off the hook, but lord knows the entire casts of Battlefield EarthStar Wars (sorry, Chewie), and The Fifth Element deserve to be called out. As do most characters in my beloved Tim Burton films (let’s go with this one).

Then there’s the draw of the classic hair of days of old, but can I truly damn someone for doing what was in style when the film was made? I want to, but it doesn’t seem fair to make fun of Bridget Fonda and Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female (hair so not nice, they did it twice) or the cast of Milk, for example.

Even worse is the intentional bad hair in comedies–of course it’s bad, it is supposed to be bad. Like Eriq LaSalle’s classic “Soul Glo” in Coming to America, Bill Murray in King Pin, or the casts of Wayne’s World, Anchorman & Napoleon Dynamite.

Indeed, finding bad hair that doesn’t fit into one of these categories is a difficulty, but I tried nonetheless. Here are my top five characters with bad hair:

I just wanted some Huggies

H.I. McDunnough, Raising Arizona
Oh, Nicolas Cage. There may have never been a time Nic’s hair was good and it’s hard to choose one (::shudder:: Adaptation), but I think I’ll go with H.I. The sideburns take it to another level, and you’ve got to love how it gets progressively zanier throughout the movie.

Forgive him father for he hath sinned.

Dr. Robert Langdon, The Da Vinci Code
In inexplicable styling choices, this do is a definite don’t. I am pretty sure it distracted me from enjoying the movie (interestingly enough, Nic Cage sported “the Langdon” in Next and it was equally horrifying).

Just...no.

Storm, X-Men trilogy
I frequently rip on the movie Storm’s hair on Little Junkies. But come on! It wasn’t great in the first movie (who approved the baby bangs?!), but Ms. Berry’s insistence on creative control brought it right to re-damn-diculous by the third. Ugh.

Call it!

Anton Chigurh, No Country for Old Men
I suppose there really is nothing freakier than a murderous, pneumatic bolt gun-wielding assassin that rocks “The Dutch Boy.” Although, I think Javier said the line wrong. Instead of “Call it, Friendo” it should have been “Call it Freindo.”

They hate me 'cause I'm beatuiful...

The Cullens, Twilight
With the exception of the dreamily coiffed, Edward (Esme gets a free pass, too), one has to ask: What the hell is going on with the rest of the Cullens?! First, you got two choppy brunettes–Kellan Lutz (Emmet) looks like he’s recovering from a serious illness and Ashley Greene (Alice), is rocking a pixie do that went out of style in about 1999. Then about ten gallons of bleach later, you have the rest of the Cullens: Nikki Reed (Rosalie), Peter Facinelli (Carlisle) and Jackson Rathbone (Jasper). i know they didn’t have a massive budget, but you’d think they could’ve handled some root management.

Look at all those combed out kids...one day we'll show them all!!

Honorable Mention: The Harry Potter kids
They’ve been good lately but there was a really unfortunate stretch there where everyone went a little wonky. Worst Hermione: Sorcerer’s Stone. Worst Ron: Goblet of Fire. Worst Harry: Goblet of Fire. Worst Malfoy: all.

Jazz hands!

The Lifetime Achievement Award for Bad Movie Hair: John Travolta
Oh John Boy, will you ever get it right? It’s really been all down hill since Grease. Here’s my rundown of revolta Travolta dos: The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3,  A Love Song for Bobby Long, Austin Powers: Goldmember, Swordfish, Battlefield Earth, Michael, Pulp Fiction, Staying Alive…and I am technically going to count Face/Off by proxy, because Travolta was technically playing via Nicolas Cage’s body, and Cage had awful hair in that movie.

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5 thoughts on “Monday Musing: [Bad] Hair Apparent

  1. Zrose25 says:

    Hey…. what’s up with the lack of Farquaad on your list? Worst cartoon hair ever! 😀

  2. Freek says:

    for some reason…I just heart this post lol

  3. buckingthewave says:

    ahhh, i liked Hermione’s hair in Sorceror’s Stone! It was the most like the homely bookworm with frizzy hair that she was in the book….

    I would also like to submit Mugatu for consideration: http://www.robertegger.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/mugatu1.jpg

  4. Junkie1 says:

    Mugatu! Yessssssss! “YOU MUST KILL THE PRIME MINISTER OF MALAYSIA!!!!”

    I was also thinking the Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York belonged on this list. Bill, “you can leave your hat on” as my main man Tom Jones would say.

  5. Jes says:

    This post makes me feel better about myself today! Lol!

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