I love crappy movies

Harsh, man. Haven't you heard of Mel Brooks?

So, I went to see the Broken Lizard comedy show last week, and had a splendid time giggling like a teenager. I engaged in a some light eavesdropping, and overheard my neighbors joking about how they liked Broken Lizard so much they even watched their crappy movies. Initially, I was a little defensive–I like all of their movies–but when I took a minute even I could admit that Club Dread was kind of crappy (but I still love it!). Fittingly for this musing, Land of the Lost is due out on dvd this week, and Year One came out last week. Both panned. Both loved by me.

It got me thinking about tastes. I don’t mean to get a little Carrie Bradshaw on you, but: is one person’s crap truly another person’s gold? Why don’t you tell me:

Junkie1’s Top 10 “Crappy Movies” [treasures from her personal collection]

10. Crocodile Dundee (Yes, all three)
Tagline: From the Australian Outback to New York City, Michael J. “Crocodile” Dundee is about to survive in a different kind of Jungle.
Say what you will, that man is a national treasure. See also, Lightening Jack (Cuba Gooding Jr. as a mute sidekick to Paul Hogan’s cowboy outlaw).

Cool trivia: The wild and ferocious buffalo that Mick Dundee pacified was drugged.

9. Tremors (Yes, all four)
Tagline: The monster movie that breaks new ground.
The first one is awesome, the second is still pretty good, the third almost killed me, and the fourth oddly redeemed the series. Graboids, unite!

Random quote:

Valentine: Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.

8. My Chauffeur & Maid to Order (aka The Leland Crooke Double Feature)
Tagline: (1) He fell in love with the help… Beverly Hills will never be the same. (2) She was raised in a Beverly Hills mansion. Now, she’s got to clean one.
Gosh, the 80s loooooved making people fall in love with “the help.” Take the chick from Valley Girl, mix in limousines, fantastically bad 80s everything, aaaaand Leland Crooke (as rebellious British rocker, Catfight). Crooke takes the enormous leap as an actor to play Dude, a rebellious British rockstar in the Ally Sheedy classic riches to rags to riches “modern” fairytale, Maid to Order.

Random quote:

Catfight: All I got to do now is find a one-legged nun walking a goat and I win.

7. Madhouse
Tagline: The bad news is you have houseguests. There is no good news.
One of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen about a perfectly happy couple (Kirstie Alley and John Larroquette) that goes totally effing bananas when they get some “house guests.” Note, it is fricking impossible to find this on any format other than VHS (which I own, cherish, and seriously consider hauling a videotape player from the dump to watch), and that makes me cry. It’s also Dennis Miller’s film debut. Holla…?

6. Saving Silverman
Tagline: They swore nothing could come between them. Then she came along.
Yes, it is the totally ridiculous story of three lifelong loser bffs that love Neil Diamond and hate the least losery one’s girlfriend. Shenanigans ensue. Junkie1 laughs to near tears (plus, you can’t keep me away from a Steve Zahn movie).

The Top 5 after the jump…

5. Fletch Lives, Spies Like Us, & Three Amigos (aka The Chevy Chase Triple Play)
Tagline: (1) When there’s more trouble than one man can handle…there’s more than one man for the job. (2) With spies like these who needs enemies? (3) They’re Down On Their Luck And Up To Their Necks In Senoritas, Margaritas, Banditos And Bullets!
He is the number one reason I was sold on Community (hiding the soiled hot dog in the bread bin? Genius!). Give me one bumbling reporter, one bumbling spy, and one bumbling actor anytime. Failed talk show, be damned. Chevy, you had me at “You can call me Al.”

Random quote:

El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?

4. Josie and the Pussycats
Tagline: Here kitty, kitty, kitty…
Parker Posey always gets my vote–she is consistently superb despite the sketchy project choices–and Alan Cumming?! The crew that brought you one of my all time faves, Can’t Hardly Wait, does not get enough credit for the sharp wit and great casting.

Random quote:

Travis: Can you tell Marco to stop doing my face?

3. Night Shift
Tagline: Ever since two enterprising young men turned the City Morgue into a swinging business, people have been dying to get in.
Shelly Long, Michael Keaton (his film debut!), Pimps, Hos, the NYC Morgue. That list seems good enough to me, but here’s where I seal the deal: Henry Winkler.

Cool trivia: In addition to Keaton, both Kevin Costner and Shannen Doherty make their screen debuts. Costner as a frat boy with a non-speaking bit part; Doherty as a “Blue Bell” in an elevator scene with one line.

2. Men at Work
Tagline: Two garbagemen who know when something smells funny!
Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez play two garbage men with a B.B. gun, a corpse, and a plan. You read right, my friends: Charlie Sheen AND Emilio Estevez?! It is one of my all-time best gems. It’s like Weekend at Bernie’s meets [stock political cover-up scheme flick].

Cool trivia: The Japanese garbage collectors’ union demanded that the film be banned from video shelves as it disparaged trash collectors, portraying them in a poor light.

1. The Pest
Tagline: What kind of freakazoid would let someone hunt him just to collect $50,000? Next question.
I really can’t explain it. This late 90s, John Leguizamo, The Most Dangerous Game-inspired comedy has bad written all over it, but it. is. funny. (Note: should you consider this a dare, make it a Netflix double feature and get Leguizamo’s other brilliant bomb, Super Mario Bros.)

Random quote:

Pest: I hope you get violated by pig monkey men in the woods.

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9 thoughts on “I love crappy movies

  1. Junkie2 says:

    Fantastic list! I was just thinking the same thing when I redboxed “Year One” this weekend. I absolutely loved it, but it definitely goes on the list of “favorite” movies over my list of “best” movies.

  2. Zrose25 says:

    Hahahah! I love it! I say we do a craptacular movie-a-thon! 🙂

  3. Zrose25 says:

    Mothers Ass! We forgot about Sorority Boys! 🙂

    • Junkie1 says:

      Balderdash! I also forgot my all time favorite movie…of all time: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! Tis the nature of list-making, I suppose.

  4. Antonio says:

    You are missing the ultimate in bad movies…
    Airborne (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106233/) starring a yound Seth Green and Jack Black.

    And a shark names Pepe.

    • Junkie1 says:

      God awful, and a good call I might add. You know what is a horrible movie with a young, svelte Jack Black? Mars Attacks!

      It’s Burton though, so ultimately I love it. Except for that Planet of the Apes…ugh. Damn studios cramping his style! ::shakes fist::

  5. […] brought it up before, my love for crappy movies, and now my sassy house guest has theorized that my love for crap has gotten out of control.It all […]

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