I recently discovered that November is the “Month of the Mo[ustache],” and I couldn’t be happier. Mainly, it’s because I have been waiting for the perfect time to unleash my favorite moustaches. To boot, I have also recently been bombarded with promising new moustachios:
Tim Norwind is sporting a fine little friend in the new OK Go video, WTF.
Jude Law will be looking quite adorables with his stache in Sherlock Holmes.
Michael Cera’s moustache in the upcoming Youth in Revolt has sealed his place in my heart.
To put it plainly, it is not that easy to pull of this look. Too many poor souls wander down the wrong side of a Ron Jeremy porn stache or Hulk Hogan handle bar. I’ll also say that only men 65+ can work the Wilford Brimley and only John Waters can rawk the John Waters pencil stache (ne the Vincent Price).
On to my list of the Top 10 ‘Staches:
Let it be known that Tom Selleck is king of the moustache, and inevitably tops any list of this variety. To give the other fellas a fair shake I’ll leave him at zero. Consider it the master level (Also, honorable mention goes to the foxxxy Sam Elliott and the grey co-pilot on his face).
10. Lando Calrissian
Point is, Lando knew how to accessorize. He worked the hell outta that cape. The stache was sweet icing on that periwinkle cake.
9. The Mario Bros
I’m technically cheating by doubling up here, especially since they have two very distinct looks…but I don’t care. It’s my list, so deal with it. Anywho, you think it is coincidence these two are the most iconic video game characters of all time? It’s all in the stache. Suck it, Link.
8. Jack Whitman (Jason Schwartzman in The Darjeeling Limited)
The beauty of a good moustache is that it adds to your character. Jack was the sweetest, oddest little brother that was made ten times better, because he was ‘stached. Lines like “I love you too, but I’m gonna mace you in the face!” wouldn’t have been as cute without his trusty follicle emoter there to assist him.
7. Ramathorn (Jay Chandrasekhar in Super Troopers)
Props must be given to the only man I’ve ever heard pull off the “Who wants a moustache ride?” line without being all creepy. Plus, you know its a good stache if, post-shaving, the actor continues to look incomplete.
6. Basil Fawlty (John Cleese in Fawlty Towers)
I’ll just come out and say it: John Cleese is not as funny without the stache (I’ll make an exception for A Fish Called Wanda). Basil is the perfect example of good Cleese–high strung and hi-larious!
5. Ned Flanders
The soup strainer is where it’s at! Alls I’m sayin’ is if I lived in Springfield, I might swing past the Leftorium every now and again.
4. Freddie Mercury
He was pretty good without it, but this was a man made for the moustache. What good old-fashioned loverboy could do without one?
3. The Joker (Cesar Romero in Batman)
This is a serious stache. Romero was so keen on his little friend that he refused to shave it during his iconic turn as the Joker. That is awesome.
2. Rhett Butler (Clark Gable in Gone With the Wind)
It’s an oldie but goodie, for sure. Gable ruled this look until Selleck came along and ended the era of the skinny stache. On anyone else, this would just not work. Bonus: it tamed the wily Scarlett O’Hara. Power!
1. Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood)
I think it might be time for the crown to be officially passed to DDL. He makes one fine moustache, and like everyone else on the list, just doesn’t look right without it. (Note: Bill the Butcher is quite fancy, but the thought of a heavily waxed stache is a bit too much to deal with.)
That’s it. So stop shaving, guys, and see what kind of man you are.
Note: I tried to keep this to straight on moustaches, so sorry, goatee and beard accompaniments.