People of the interwebs, hear my cry: Wesley Snipes is my future husband (not the one from Blade, either)! OK, I’m not completely insane. I get that I’m talking about the fictional characters of 30 Rock, but I am totally upset with the way Liz Lemon has cast aside this delightful English muffin like he was yesterday’s rubbish! ZRose disagrees. In fact, this disagreement prompted a new post feature on Little Junkies (like I need more ways to categorize my posts). Welcome to Debate Thursdays!
Here’s the skinny: I am obviously Pro-Wesley and ZRose is Anti-Wesley.
Pro: His name is WESLEY SNIPES!
Con: He’s no Astronaut Mike Dexter
Pro: What’s so wrong with a settling soulmate? He’ll kill bugs for you, Liz! Bugs!
Con: But it’s settling, I don’t think he really cares who for
Pro: He’s British!
Con: …and looking for a green card
Pro: He’s got a cute, sweet smile!
Con: His teeth are enormous–chicklets, even!
Pro: He’s makes cute Brit pop culture references. Chums!
Con: Yeah, but they’re snarky
Pro: He’s green! Riding his bicycle, all done up in his little blue helmet.
Con: But he’s into train wrecks and insurance
Pro: The ONLY thing wrong with him is that Liz hates him
Con: Um he’s a pasty Brit, and his haircut is weird! And he’s a creepy winker
Pro: Yeah, but he will wink at you from across the room…so muffiny
Con: It was creepy!
Pro: His episode arc brought us the funniest 30 Rock ever (Cool Runnings, mon, bobsled!!)! He’ll program you as “Future Wife.” He’ll willingly attend social engagements and hold your purse. He sings tv show theme songs in public. Slightly twisted, but he believes in fate nonetheless. He returned Kenneth’s wallet. Above all, he was persistent–he never gave up on Liz. And he came up with his own tag line: “And then there was Wesley!”
Con: …that is pretty cute.
Besides ZRose’s blatant application of Michael Sheen’s other roles onto poor Wesley (see above), the pros have it. And phew, because I was afraid I was going to have to institute sky law! Listen, fictional Liz Lemon, an engagement break up text really is as weak as American tea. You don’t know what silliness you are letting slip from your fingers or that you are clearly Carol’s settling soulmate. Hopefully, there is a real Wesley out there, looking for a “luscious plum” like myself. I won’t hold my breath, because there is only one Wesley Snipes.
Con: You know that’s not true.