I recently went on a vacation to scenic SoDak. It was a great trip, I took copious amounts of pictures, explored the second longest cave in the world, and hiked in the Badlands where cult classic (and personal fave) Starship Troopers was filmed. I did, however, have to give up cell phone coverage and internet for a week. The only entertainment I had (besides nature) was The Girl Who Played With Fire and a few John Wayne westerns on dvd–which is fine by me, I love the Duke. So I puffed up my chest, and thumbed my nose at all that I hold dear:
I don’t need you, iPhone, Wii, Netflix, Comcast, Google Reader, Facebook, etc!
At least that was what I kept telling myself, but then we got home…and saw SIX movies in the theater (that’s near what the average American sees in an entire year), watched lots of tv, and became ridiculously addicted to GetGlue.com. But, hey, I am a junkie so am I really that surprised that I pounced on modern conveniences like the proverbial fat kid and his cake? No. I had True Blood withdrawal, I was in desperate need of an Entertainment Weekly fix (a whole issue dedicated to Steig Larsson’s The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo!!), and my Google Reader/dealer was bursting with new merchandise like:
- casting tid bits (Johnny Lee Miller joins Dexter this season?! Michael Fassbender to play Magneto in X-Men First Class!!!!!),
- book releases (Mr. Peanut!), and
- new music (Lady XTina returns!).
My chest humbly deflated:
I love you, pop culture, and I missed you…bitch.
Here’s my cinema round up, in order.
Splice: They blinded me with science
Holy crap! The critics hailed: “unlike anything you have ever seen” and, baby, they weren’t lyin’. I thought it would be scary-ahh ahh, not scary-eww eww…and after my gush-fest about how much I love Adrien Brody, too. My new theory is, pay attention to Brody’s hair when gauging what you are getting yourself into. For example, does the man control his coif in some fashion? Yes: The Brothers Bloom, Liberty Heights, The Darjeeling Limited–Enjoy! No: The Village, The Jacket, Splice–Buyer Beware! ZRose and I went before lunch with plans to grab a bite after. There was no lunch.
Toy Story 3: Where the toys are
We left Splice with the feeling that it would haunt us for the rest of our lives. So, naturally, we immediately went to a new theater, with less “unclean” memories, and scrubbed our brains with Pixar. I can say it worked (No, wait. It’s still there :: shudder ::). This movie was so good, maybe even the best of the bunch–though Lots-o-Huggin Bear aint got nothin’ on Stinky Pete. I wanted to call my mom after, blubbering like an infant, to see where she put all my old toys. God help her if they were thrown out :: fist shake :: Also, brav-O to Michael Keaton’s dandy turn as Ken, and whoever came up the Buzz Lightyear storyline: ¡Magnifico!
Jonah Hex: Mild mild west
More like Jonah Sux–I think the whole of the Confederate Army simultaneously rolled over in their graves. I didn’t necessarily have high hopes, but they did have a supporting cast list that made my heart soar: Will Arnett, Wes Bentley, Michael Fassbender, Papa Winchester, Aidan Quinn, that dude from Fringe…but in the end it just felt like nothing. The only people that looked like they were working for their paycheck bit the dust (come on kids, we’re either going to have accents or we’re not. You can’t change your mind halfway through). And, I’m sorry, but “the sheriff of America?!” Whoever wrote that or didn’t edit it out should be slapped. I will say that the only joy I got from watching this movie was giggling like a twelve year old when a mustachioed Arnett–in total sincerity–proclaimed “I have the best unit.”
Knight and Day: Got me feelin’ all Maverick-y
This movie was hilarious! Tom Cruise is one of those fools that is cuckoo nutty in the real world, but utterly irresistible on screen. Plus, Cameron Diaz’s character ruled–especially when compared to the usual bumbling idiot roles women get in these kinds of movies (:: cough :: Katherine Heigl). She wears real clothes and biker boots, not debilitating pencil skirts and Louboutins. When handed a gun she doesn’t scream like a prissy chick, she plays with it when no one’s looking like a real person would (I’m a real person, right? :: pyew pyew pyew ::). And the chemistry worked, too–not since Far and Away have I been so giddy about the idea of sneaking a peek at Tom Cruise! I think this movie definitely belongs in the ranks of True Lies and Mr. & Mrs. Smith.
Ondine: Splash-indie style
It was literally a pleasure to watch this movie. It’s a great story about a tender fisherman and the strange girl he nets one day. I was so chillaxed by the time it was over–maybe it was all the water motifs or the ease of the pace, but it was really exquisite. Plus, Colin Farrell was such a muffin in it–this is definitely how he ropes us in, ladies.
Grown Ups: Shampoo is better
Was this a great movie, no. Did I laugh like a fool, yes. Look, if you were brought up on Billy Madison, Tommy Boy, and the like you will enjoy this movie. I’d label it as nostalgia laughs, though I was a little disappointed that they couldn’t tack on some outtakes for the credits (because they were obviously cracking each other up the whole time). Also, note the adorable cameo by Sandler’s daughter at the end and her single line “Don’t choke, daddy.” Oh yeah, and my life may be complete now that I’ve seen Norm Macdonald’s ass and Steve Buscemi in swim trunks.
That’s it, but it’s a busy summer, and I have a lot more movies to see this week. Like this one that has angsty vampires and werewolves or something…