Useful Movie Reviews: Midnight in Paris and The Green Lantern

Want to know if a movie is worthwhile, but hate blah-blah lengthy reviews? Me, too. I keep it short and sweet so you can get on with your life and into the theater.

Review: DC does it again. And by it I mean throws away another franchise from their storied canon. Too much exposition followed up by…meh. I was so bored. Reynolds is great, too, which makes it such a bummer.

Verdict: See it…in theaters if you are a hardcore Lantern fan or on Netflix as part of a bad super hero movie marathon with your friends.

Review: Woody Allen sticks to his formula and produces some adorable, funny moments (if only slightly, and intentionally, pedantic). Shh, don’t tell, but I am in love with fictional Ernest Hemingway and non-fictional Michael Sheen.

Verdict: See it…on Netflix, because I think Allen movies are the cinematic equivalent of comfort food. So they are best watched in your living room where you can spread out and enjoy the dialogue.

Sunday Sundries: The Power of Bullock Compels You

Since we did a little sundry action on Friday, I thought we should do a true “wtf” today. Last night, your little junkies caught up with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal. The Proposal is basically a shuffling of Bullock’s While You Were Sleeping and Two Weeks Notice. Was it formulaic, of course! Does that mean I didn’t adore it? No! Bullock played the “forty and fabulous” card quite well as uptight, softie-come-lately publishing executive, Margaret Tate (plus, the woman can work a pencil skirt). Her impeccable comedic timing is impossible not to love, and Ryan Reynolds’ razor-sharp delivery wasn’t bad either (mini-swoon).

It’s weird. I saw My Life in Ruins earlier this week, and didn’t like it at all. It too was formulaic, and had Vardalos in a role I’d seen her attack before. Hmm. Even “America’s sweetheart,” Julia Roberts–who interestingly enough stopped being America’s sweetheart after starring in America’s Sweethearts–now comes off as stale in comedic performances. A force fit, of sorts–like a desperate mid-life crisis-er trying to squeeze back into their high school jeans. Meanwhile, Bullock maintains a rubber quality in an otherwise sticky industry similar to Hugh Jackman–their stinkers just fade away.

Wtf, people? Does Sandra Bullock have mystical powers? Poring through her IMDB page, I literally can’t find anything I’ve seen that I didn’t like her in (note: the exception being “that I’ve seen.” Premonition, I hear = boo). Even Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous and The Lake House. Here are some of my fave iterations of “The Bullock”:

• Demolition Man: Of all the action films she’s been in, I can’t get enough of this Sly Stallone crashterpiece. And if you give me shit for loving Lt. Huxley, I’ll have to Murder-Death-Kill you.
• Two Weeks Notice: Sandra + one of my fave rom-commoners, Hugh Grant?! Quitting your job has never been more fun.
• Love Potion No.9: Jolly good 90s fare. Also, I like to refer to my car as my own personal Alta Pazzoli.
• Crash: As far as Serious Sandra goes, this attention-starved, emotionally-vacant bigot is tops in my book.
• The Vanishing: She might not technically be in the movie very long, but this is one of my fave oldie thrillers. Jeff Bridges gives me the heebie jeebies–or what the Brits delightfully refer to as the “screaming habdabs.”

We may never know how she manages to bounce back so easily (and quickly), but I will continue laughing at/with her in my girlish guilty pleasure kind of way…maybe she practices a little Practical Magic? I expect to be slapped for that at some point, but I don’t care.

Monday Musings: May 11, 2009

Michael Bolton, Still More Relevant Than Eminem

Mondays, a case of
I’m terribly afflicted
Need Michael Bolton

It’s Monday, and I’m damn near apoplectic at the thought of it, so I’m going to relive the weekend with you:

During the squee fest that was Star Trek this weekend I couldn’t get over how much I’d like to see “Star Trek:  The College Years”.  How Spock and Uhura met, the crazy antics of Bones and Kirk, that chick from Wicked getting more screen time…You know, a Star Trek Origins: Origins story. Since the trend in Hollywood lately is to start in the middle of a story and work back I think JJ Abrams should get right on that.  You’re welcome.

Speaking of origins, Van Wilder is getting his own X-men spinoff.  Ryan Reynolds will reprise his role as Wade Wilson/Deadpool in his own origins story. *Spoiler Alert* You could just read about it in the series if you don’t feel like waiting…Junkie2 premptively calls DIBS.  I’m crossing my fingers he’s serious about turning it into a musical, Hugh would be so jealous.

Speaking of Star Trek…FRINGE SEMI-SPOILER ALERT…Be aware if JJ Abrams scratches your back you scratch his (I’m personally hoping his back is itchy).  Leondard Nimoy will be appearing during the Fringe Season finale tomorrow.  I’m thinking we’ll see him next year since he’s playing a pretty big character.  Now if only Greg Grunberg could appear and officially christen the show, NBC execs that’s your cue to pull the sticks out of you know where.

Speaking of execs, Fox, why the hell are you premiering just the pilot of Glee this week?  Good dealers don’t give junkies a taste of [media] crack in May and then wait until September to see if they want anymore.  Chances are we’ll have gotten clean by then.  The show looks amazing, if you can it based on this week’s numbers alone I may have to boycot you.  Call it a “special preview” all you want, I know that’s network code for “retooling may be necessary”.

Speaking of Fall…Finale week has officially commenced.  While Heroes jumped ship last week the majority of shows will be airing their final ep’s of the season this week.  My productivity is going to go through the roof until summer season starts.  If you start to feel lonely this summer be sure to check out our retro reviews on Saturdays, we’ll tell you all about the shows you should be watching.

Littlejunkies Out
Come back for another fix
Hotties & More Tues.